i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
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Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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