Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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