should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
