i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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