I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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