allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
