Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
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