I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
