She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You took a bar mat shot.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
