I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
