how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
