I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
we should paint friendship bongs
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
