You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
