I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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