she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
