You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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