maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Randomize