I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
