I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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