So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
