omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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