I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize