i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
