So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
