sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
