my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
