I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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