I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
