we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
