I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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