life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I will die if light touches me.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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