I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
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i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
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Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Enjoy the penises
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
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