That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
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