I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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