What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
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Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
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