Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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