i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Randomize
