also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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