Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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