Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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