Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
