Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
