u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
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I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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