I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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