You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
