It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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