It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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