i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We left the knife in your bed.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
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Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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