It's like God shit irony all over that family
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
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I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
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I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
A bitchslap is in order.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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