you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
