I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
