If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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