you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
