You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
i need some magic done to my vagina
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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