So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
