I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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