I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
