some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
