Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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