Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
