this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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