Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
