If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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