I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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