dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
