I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
