I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
