just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
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Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
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Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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