if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
