i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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