The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
