Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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