remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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