Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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