actually, I'm a sock model
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
