she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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