Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
