Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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