well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
