I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
