I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
