The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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