Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
